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100 random facts about me.
Sunday. 8.1.10 9:28 pm
Anh challenged me to do this... about three years ago.

1. I'm a Christian. Sometimes I don't feel like a very good one since I often skip church in order to stay home and destroy things.

2. Chances are that if we have met, I've called you pal. I refer to most people -- my parents, friends, acquaintances, enemies, frienemies, amoeba pelts and trees as "pal." Even strangers get the pal treatment so chances are that when I meet someone new I'll call them pal rather than their name til I remember it.

3. I rarely sit with my back to the door. Shit gets fools blasted yo. Ask Bill Hickok.

4. My favorite color is gray. I s'pose it's because it's not really a color and it signifies something hard to define.

5. I started using Nutang in 2003 after seeing an ad on flooble.

6. I created this account after finding out a teacher who I kinda/sorta respected told me she was reading it and used some of the things I wrote about her and a few people in my journalism class (mostly about how I though they were all fakes)
against me. I had another account, the one I use mostly nowadays, but I forgot the username so I just made a new one: Dilated. After the rap group Dilated Peoples.

7. I love my family and rarely write about them.

8. I also rarely speak about them unless I really trust the person I'm talking to.

9. I've had alcohol once in my life and it was by accident.

10. When I was about 10, my dad was sipping some Guiness and I asked if I could try it. I spat it out because it tasted like fermented asshole.

11. I hated having to wake up early to get to work at my Guvment job when I lived in D.C, but I loved wearing the suit because it made me feel suave and like Will Smith in MIB. The first one where he's cool, not the 2nd one where he's old.

12. I'm a packrat. Not only do I still have this tin container that Caitlin sent me one year with a bunch of snickerdoodle cookies in it, I also still have the box it came in.

13. I'm probably better than you at Street Fighter, Madden and NBA 2K. You're probably better than me at Call of Duty and Uncharted deathmatches. But do not get it twisted: I will destroy you in Dance Dance Revolution Max 2. On easy difficulty.

14. I got bricked when I was around five years old by this kid named Jeremy who lived on my block in the housing projects we used to stay at. I responded by tackling him to the pavement. I straddled him for a few moments, thinking of whether I should pound his face in or bang his head against the concrete or be a humanitarian and just punch him in the stomach. I chose the latter and punched him in the gut til he started coughing up blood and someone pulled me off. The next day I went over to his house and played Super Mario Bros 2. That game sucked.

15. Chances are I'm better than you at biting my nails unless you're LeBron James.

16. I think LeBron James is a bitch for leaving Cleveland for Miami.

17. I'm an exceptionally hard person to get to know.

18. I find getting to know people to be relatively easily.

19. I always read a room when I enter it. I scan for pictures, posters, level of disarray, placement of items and knicknacks, etc.

20. My favorite season is fall. Football, Basketball and baseball are all going on and I'm so full of hope for my teams.

21. I'm a chaotic person in my inside world. My room is in constant disarray, I rarely follow guidelines and typically follow my intuition rather than reason.

22. I don't keep friends -- I keep acquainted, and sometimes not even that.

23. I'm a laid back person.

24. I think guys who wear skinny pants are stupid.

25. I typically see right and wrong in black and white for certain issues.

26. I'm extremely selective with my friends. Discounting the nuclear family, I can count the number of people I actually trust on one hand.

27. I find it easy to pick up on the subtle, nonverbal communication cues of others thanks to my many years of training by one Robert "Bobby" Goren.

28. I've been described as aloof by many an acquaintance.

29. I'm as much of a doer as I am a thinker.

30. I've got a great sense of empathy.

31. I spent three years in college working for and with rape victims.

32. My work with rape victims took me from emergency rooms to school

33. I had a little brother with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. His mom wouldn't give me their address to come visit one day, about a year anda half into our relationship. He was kind of annoying so it didn't bother me that much at first. Now I regret not pushing to see him more.

34. If I were a 7 footer, I'd become a professional wrestler to challenge for the WWE title.

35. I sometimes miss playing football.

36. I regret not trying out for the basketball team in the 7th grade.

37. I led numerous habitat 4 humanity volunteer drives in college.

38. I led over 300 volunteers to build roughly 10-15 houses throughout my time at

39. I think Chicago Pizza is better than New York Pizza.

40. I think Texas is better than wherever the fuck you're from.

41. I'm an introvert.

42. Some misconstrue my honest interest in people and their psyche as me being an extrovert.

43. I pick my scabs and I'll pick yours too. No charge, pal.

44. I still can't believe I'm going to Harvard Law School.

45. Neither can my parents. There was a time when they were happy if I brought home a D rather than an F.

46. I graduated from HS with a GPA around 2.9, maybe 3.0

47. My college GPA was 3.8 and would've been 3.9 if not for my bitchface Shakespere professor. It was his first class and was a clusterfuck of disappointment for all involved.

48. I want to work in the realm of human trafficking after law school. Most likely prosecution.

49. I'd like to work for the U.S. Attorney one day because they get badass badges that I'll pull out and show everyone like I'm Phoenix Wright.

50. Phoenix Wright and Jack McCoy played a huge role in why I want to be a lawyer.

51. I really want to be a writer and craft short stories.

52. But I'll settle for being able to yell OBJECTION, MOTHERFUCKAH, OBJECTION! in a court rather than at my nintendo DS.

53. Doug Funnie was a big influence on my life

54. I used to pretend I was superman and put a blanket in my shirt and run around and fight invisible bad guys. No one told me Superman couldn't be black til I started hanging out with racist assholes.

55. I wish I were a great singer. Not so I could be famous and have groupies or any shitty reason like that. I just wanna be a good singer.

56. I'm jealous of that muffin man's ability to jump rope. If I ever meet him, I'm going to steal his rope and pretend to be him and start jumping. Chances are I'll trip and die but atleast I'll die with his jumprope so he can't have it anymore since that means it'll be fucking haunted and anyone who touched it would be touching the last of my spirit and therefore get creeped out.

57. Mo, aka Juicyy, is the greatest writer I've ever come across. I remember her old entries, circa 2005/2006, were so beautiful. Like baby unicorn or Rosario Dawson. After her it's Jamaica Kincaid and perhaps Toni Morrison. Then Henry David Thoreau.

58. I want to name my daughter D.W. Not after the Arthur character, but after Dirk Werner Nowitzki.

59. A part of me feels like I've grown up with Zanzi. I've known her since I was a sophomore in high school and it seems like whenever I need advice, I can go to her. She even shielded me from death this one time when I went to visit her in Rhode Island and she had this evil cat that I was allergic to and also liked to eat black people because it's racist or something, or maybe that's all cats, but whatever... anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I fucks with Zanzi. Real talk.

60.I've got a crush on the new snorg teeshirt girl:

Not as much as my beloved Rosario:
and my future wife Zoey Kravitz:

61. I used to love Raphael to red Ninja Turtle til I realized he was an ornery asshole who was always angry for reason. Then I switched my allegiance to Leonardo. I've always liked Michaelangelo as well. Donatello is forgettable unless you're a science nerd.

62. My favorite super hero is Goku. It pissed me off when they had some white guy play him in the movie. Bullshit.

63. I like to refer to my enemies as pussilanimous whippersnappers.

64. I got in trouble at school one day for wearing a shirt with a bunch of geckos in sexual positions

65. A part of me wanted to marry Cyra. Not just because she's a real nice person or because she was really pretty or had a real job and didn't have any kids or drama attached to her or anything like that. It was because she would've fulfilled my lifelong dream of finding a spouse who will play videogames with me and probably beat me from time to time.

66. I still watch anime. I'M NOT ASHAMED (okay maybe a little.)

67. I often look forward to travelling to new places but as soon as I'm up in the air I get extremely homesick and long for Texas. The vastness, the varying vernaculars from Houstonians to Austinites to those of my home in the Metroplex, the big hair and big belt buckles and big personalities and hospitalities and everything. I LOVE YOU TEXAS!

68. While I'd love to retire to either my hometown of Arlington (where my Cowboys and Rangers play) or to downtown Dallas (Where my Mavs reside,) a part of me wants to retire to St. Croix and live out my days in front of the water in a seaside house with a hammock in between some palm trees. Wherever I retire, I'll get a hammock. Maybe four.

69. I loved my job at the State Department. I wouldn't mind working there again one day. For breakfast, the cafeteria often served fresh pancakes-- blueberry and pineapple and buttermilk! And my coworkers were spectacular.. four in particular were very influential. One, the big boss man, who was about two steps below Secretary Clinton on the depth chart, would call me into his office once a week and we'd talk for about an hour about any and everything I wanted. Sometimes I'd bring in some friends to talk with him and other co-workers. Sometimes it was must me and him. Anyway, the guy must've been about 65, 70, and was just a great guy. My two direct supervisors were also amazing people.

70. One day, one of the supervisors and I were walking to the subway and I was asking her all these questions about how she knew she was a grown up -- when she had that epiphany about what she was placed on earth to do. "The thing about life, Jonathan, is that you never had that a-ha moment. It comes to you gradually, little by little, over time and one day you'll just know that you're doing the right thing." I know it sounds simple, but it was profound to me.

71. I've got a stuffed anthropomorphic purple heart that I take with me whenever I go on trips. She's roughly the same size as your standard stuffed bear and is named Ophelia after the character in Hamlet. People respond to her in varying ways.. some laugh, some look at me funny, and some, like Heather, are threatened by her. I went to pick Heather up for a dinner date one evening and Ophelia was sitting in the front seat. Heather picked her up and asked me why I brought her with me. I professed my love for Ophie, so Heather threw her into the backseat and I stopped the car and made her apologize.

72. I manipulate my last.fm profile by listening to some songs over and over and over and over again.

73. I never beat Ocarina of Time.

74. I think I have really bad taste in women.

75.I once wore the same pair of jeans for a full week..

76. I sometimes wish I were a smoker because Don Draper looks so cool on mad men.

77. I own a shot glass. I bought it as a gift for someone else but forgot to give it to

78. I'm not looking forward to going to law school. I wish I could make money from being a donut taster or professional MMA fighter who never loses.

79. I'm pretty distrustful of white folk. I'm typically uneasy around them because I think they're judging me or something. In all honesty, in my circle of people I chill with on the regular, only one of them is white.. and I only started hanging out with him because he was my roommate.

80. I've got a very, VERY small art collection. Mostly photographs. I hope to expand it one day and have a collection of scenic photographs as well as and candid photographs of people I know throughout the supermansion I'll live in with my pet gorilla named Donkey Jon.

81. I hated New York the first few days I was theere. Then it grew on me. Like a cancer.. or a fungus. Ever notice how nothing positive ever grows on people?

82. I always wanted to go on Room Raiders because I think all it would take is for someone to walk into my room and realize how much I reek of awesomeness before they fall in love with me. Movies, music, books, (very, very small) art collection and my secret weapon, Ophelia.

83. I'm currently in the midst of reading three books at once. Things fall a part, Dreams of my Father and Sons and other flammable Objects.

84. Old people freak me out. I hope I look like Mark Cuban when I'm 52. I also hope that I die via assassinationwhile I'm wrestling a bear on my 180th birthday so that I do not see it coming.

85. I can't swim. And no, I don't care to learn.. yet. Maybe when I marry into money.

86. I also do not know how to ride a bike. Back when I visited Boston, I stayed with my pal Sonya and her two roommates: Ivyrose and some guy who didn't have a name as awesome as Ivyrose. Anyway, I told them I don't know how to ride a bike so they promised to teach me. Like many before them, they failed to keep their word.

87. I'm an amazing dancer when it's just me and a mirror. Sometimes when someone else is in the room.

88. I wanna learn how to play the harmonica, the guitar, the piano and the slide whistle.

89. I own seven hats. Three Mavericks, two Cowboys and two Rangers. The first one I bought was a Texas Rangers blue adjustable hat that I wore for about a week straight and got a nice sweat rim around it.

90. I think food in Boston is disgusting.

91. The first fight I remember getting into, aside from the one I wrote about earlier, had me getting my ass kicked by a girl a few years older than me that was talking shit the whole time. I cried.

92. I prefer birthday pie to cake. I prefer pie to just about everything. Apple pie, blueberry pie, pizza pie, apricot pie.. it's all good.

93. Frogs freak me out. As do most aminals. The only ones I like are insects... and dogs.

94. I want to name my first born son after me. Either that or Goku. Maybe both. Yes, even if it's a girl.. Gokuette.

95. I think babies are annoying and smelly and lame. They're not the best conversationalists as well.

96. My dream job is being a supreme court justice so I can get paid for life to have an opinion on something.

97. Another dream of mine is to own the clapper, two dogs -- a great dane named Tiny and a st. charles cavalier named Hadouken, a barkoff controller and a ringpop.

98. I still feel like I'm in my sister's shadow. And I'm bigger than her.

99. I use this blog for randomness. I actually write in my other NuTang account because fewer people in my world know about it.

100. You don't know me.

Challenged to match my feat of 100 random facts: Random, Zanzi, Muffin, Midday and Nuttz, Illicit, bifocals, unicornasaurus, Peanutmelon and my very first Nutang friend, JINIAH!

There's no way I can comment on every fact, so I'll pick out a few:

PIE. Is it the fruit? Why does pie trump everything else? Also what is birthday pie?

#56- I'm jealous of Muffy too. X|

#95- Gasp! :0 But children are our future. D:

» randomjunk on 2010-08-01 11:51:57

1) Bonnie and Clyde were ruthless, but their run was generally pretty short (and started out somewhat innocently (as innocent as criminals can be, I guess?)). Plus...they weren't as cohesive as the legend suggests. And they weren't working alone.

2) Aargh this is a scary challenge.

Birthday pie, I agree, is actually better than birthday cake.

Cake just isn't that good to begin with.
» Unicornasaurus on 2010-08-02 12:52:06

I should say thank you, now I have something to do while waiting for my downloads to finish =)

Re: Hahaha. Yea, its mainly stubbornness, I just have nothing better to write
» Nuttz on 2010-08-02 01:09:44

I skipped some of this and in the middle of it I kept thinking that I'm wasting my time, but I kept going and ended up finishing it. I still skipped some.

Birthday pie ftw!

Santa clause, isn't he that guy that kept on promoting coca cola even though I was drinking dr.pepper last christmas?!
» peanutmelon on 2010-08-02 01:42:40

Doubt the spelling too. But not like I know how to spell it either.
» peanutmelon on 2010-08-02 02:20:10

Thanks for the heads up
I had no idea what's going on!
» middaymoon on 2010-08-02 05:18:06

Fine, I issued the challenge to a couple others.

And yes, shopping carts. I cannot explain the intricacies of my mind. XP
» randomjunk on 2010-08-02 02:50:24

You're on. LOL.
» peanutmelon on 2010-08-02 03:04:53

^ as in I accept the challenge.
» peanutmelon on 2010-08-02 03:06:25

Yes, the half a man knows that he's half a man.
Any Charles Kelly song you want to recommend? I love his voice! I'll see if I can download them somewhere.

I am constantly reprimanded for going out alone at night... even when I'm driving.

Unfortunately, it's not Friday The Thirteenth. It's another one.
» Nuttz on 2010-08-02 11:58:01

Because I'm cool
I'm going to reply your comment that was replied to my post. Addressing each, and everyone of them. :)

Yeah, I'm looking forward to uni.. Hopefully I get in the one that I want 8D
Oh? Kay, you can call me Jon now. So keep on calling me pal until you get to the Jon part.

LOL You're probably used to your specs anyway.

Famous actress, no use to the society. >>

OH! We should have a recorder contest one day! I can play My Love Will Go On by Celine Dion. Betcha can't beat that!

Agreed on our musical taste v_v

I will now mistake you for Korean from now on. "Dilated! Aren't you Korean?!" :)

Fixed the link ;_; Stopit! I wrote it on MS Words so there were bounds to be mistakes.
*hugs because of horror movie spoilers thing T^T*
» peanutmelon on 2010-08-04 12:12:16

Oh hey, now I understand the Jon comment.
Apologies. I'm going to call you Jon now as soon as you call me Anna. Deal? Deal.
» peanutmelon on 2010-08-04 12:42:27

I'm starting to like this nutang doohickey.
1) Whatevs, yo. I can probably beat you at Mario Kart Gamecube too - WHUTWHUT
2) Not as lame as your mom.
3) What hair?
4) http://lmgtfy.com/?q=water+spinach
5) Actually, I have no objections to that.

p.s. jon: i'm sterile
» mynameisanh on 2010-08-04 02:58:27

I like number 40, 52 and the teeshirt that your crush is wearing in 60. it made me laugh.

re: I still have trouble with chopsticks sometimes, but I can at least use them well enough now lol
» LostSoul13 on 2010-08-04 04:55:13

Hahah! You cannot have my jump rope biatch! But..I CAN try and teach you everything I know when you get your own rope. Seriously though, it makes me happy to know that somebody thinks jump rope is cool! I love it!

As for the rest of the facts...I get this sort of impression, that you don't like it when people can look at you and think they know something about you. Yeah?
» The-Muffin-Man on 2010-08-04 08:44:14

I'm going to try and fulfill this challenge...keyword TRY
» The-Muffin-Man on 2010-08-04 08:44:40

correct. i still don't know u even though i have 100 facts about u in my head.

but all the while i thought u were a female. HAHA.
» renaye on 2010-08-05 07:29:11

LOL On 80.. you should look closer.... 80 is there.... you might have to highlight the text to the right of 80...
» CPKviperpheonix on 2010-08-05 01:19:28

I wound up seeing the Hawks on my Senior trip for High School (who played the Philidelphia 76ers), and the only Base ball game I went to go see was The Atlanta Braves vs. the Washington Nationals. and the Atlanta Braves minor league team (up until like an year ago) was the Richmond Braves, in which i'm right in the Richmond metro area in Virginia. so yea it all links together in a weird way there. lol

It kinda sucked though at the game, everyone wanted to see Allen Iverson, but he wasn't there. He played for the 76ers, and he was born in Hampton, which is not to far from my home town either! lol

Commentary on your 100 to follow later on
» CPKviperpheonix on 2010-08-05 02:20:02

Wow. Challenge accepted. It might take a while though. Because first I have to read your 100 facts.
But I appreciate an excuse to not do uni work. :)

P.S. I like your new layout! And I miss you!
» Sarah on 2010-08-06 10:24:03

Also, thank you for describing what Guinness tastes like. Now I know never to try it.

And I liked the thing about feeling like Will Smith in MIB. And frogs freak me out too! More than anything else in the world probably.
» Sarah on 2010-08-06 11:42:00

You've done so much humanitarian stuff that you make me feel very evil; of course I could be lying right now and giving you a generalized comment to make you feel better about yourself and in actuality did not read this list at all.

No, I did not stay overnight on the U.S. side... I will try to rectify my wording in order to be less implicit and to make my meaning clearer (a big problem of my writing and speech actually).

P.S. Nah I did read it, I'm just "regular" evil, not "very"
» bluetopaz on 2010-08-08 12:16:11

Don't mess with Texas!
I never beat Ocarina of Time either.

» of_your_mind on 2010-08-10 11:51:29

I'm white.
I hope you don't mind.

After reading this, I feel like I don't know that much more about you. Obviously some details, but it just reinforces my previous impressions of you.

This list was really long, especially since half of your facts were small paragraphs. Haha.

I'm on 60 now. I'll get back to you later.
» middaymoon on 2010-08-11 01:18:37

You really wouldn't notice!
I have no body oder. Tada!

I have the HTC Aria on AT&T. The problem with AT&T is that my phone is the only good Android Phone; everything else is iPhone or Blackberry. I think the Aria may be too small for your apple-refined tastes.

» middaymoon on 2010-08-11 07:23:42

» randomjunk on 2010-08-11 11:05:54

I would use this space to comment on all the ones I liked, or laughed out loud at, but I currently do not have the patience.

(My parents are from Texas. I sometimes fantasize about living in Texas, but then I remember much of it is HOT and blegck. At least the parts where my parents are from.)
» invisible on 2010-08-15 12:14:51

@white stuff on my hair.
Supposed to keep the hair in place and away from my shirt... Didn't do it that well blegh. Normal people use aluminum foil :) but when have I ever been normal? 8D
» peanutmelon on 2010-08-15 10:21:33

I'm going to respond to your comment
and it's going to be in list format. HERE IT GOES:

2&3. You stay away, Mr. Likes The Number Two When Three Is Obviously Cooler.
And while you’re at it, get a shorter last name!
7. Hey, I actually WOOOULD…if I knew how.
11. In my heart. :D
12. But heat is nice. ]:
14. What did I do?
15. Go for it! I’ll read stuff you write!
16. I…will not ask him about that!
18. Walking up BIG hill, sir. With rocks and mud and steep climbs!
25. She did too! During The Graduate!
27. Yes, I do.
37. Sound interesting from what I’m reading…I might check them out.
45. NO…]:
50. Pssh.
62. No. ]:
63. Columbia College in lil’ ol’ SC.
68. Twisted Metal Black, DDR, Left 4 Dead, Mortal Kombat, and Katamari Damacy.
69. :D
76. Nope! That’s why I don’t know why I liked having a lighter handy.
» Unicornasaurus on 2010-08-16 12:38:47

5. Same here! Thank you, flooble.
17. So am I.
44. Congrats!
70. I like that quote.
94. Gokuette... that made me chuckle. =]

Response to your comment on my facts:
12. I'm pretty sure you'd remember if you've had durian..
14. There's never any time to study, let alone play volleyball =[
28. No, the hanger did not have a name. I upload a picture, check it out!
29. No idea why I didn't open my eyes.. guess I wasn't ready to see the world!
37. Honestly, I'm open to ANY music. But lately, I've been in a hip hop phase.
66. Did you mean I mentioned craving mexican food in my facts more than once? I think not! But if I did.. it's because I REALLY want some..

Good challenge, sir! Took me days to think of 100. And now that it's done, I have a few more that I wish I put down instead of my food cravings..
» dis1girl on 2010-08-17 07:58:31

Why are you scared of cute fluffy things? Like bunnies and ducklings? I just don't get it.

Frogs, on the other hand. Totes understand that why they would freak a person out.
» Sarah on 2010-09-28 09:06:00

Elephants don't even *have* arms, fool!
» Sarah on 2010-09-28 10:28:14

Obviously Sesame Flavoured Sarah isn't the odd one out.
But TBH I prefer Negative Nancy to all of those.
» Sarah on 2010-10-02 09:06:52

She's 17. That statistic is absolutely disgusting. Our legal system is insane.
» acidbathx on 2010-12-02 11:17:27

Can I count on your vote?
I'm new to nutang and need your help to win a contest. If you could help me out, please vote for me at this link:


» hallie-mae on 2010-12-04 08:40:50

hopefully this works...
9. guilty...
6. *sigh*
20. sometimes...
22. meh!
24. im weaksauce
25. lol
26. traditional 3rd world country "spread the seed"
29. lmao
30. you're too funny
38. when he sits down...
47. ^_^
» msminty on 2010-12-07 04:07:36



When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up... He pushes the Earth down.

Why did I buy a calculator? BECAUSE I CAN. WHUT. I want cheesecake.
» peanutmelon on 2010-12-07 04:28:09

Whatever, I engage in conversations with babies all the time.

They never interrupt, it's great.
» Amelie on 2010-12-07 04:59:09

strawberry > apple
» msminty on 2010-12-08 06:41:43

lets go!
» msminty on 2010-12-08 07:11:41

I do like them..though it got a bit draggy in the last book
» Nuttz on 2010-12-09 10:43:29

» Amelie on 2010-12-16 06:22:09

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