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Jon?

Realize
Tuesday. 5.8.07 9:16 pm
If you just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other..

It's her masterful melody
When she calls out my name to me

"Jon!" I'm walking out of a cafe and toward campus when she spots me. I turn around to face Britney, and she gives me this look that makes me feel.. As though I matter. You know the look. The one that neither screams, nor shouts. A look akin to a soft whisper, a look full of zeal and a look that turns my stomach when I realize I have only one night left to appreciate it.

As the world spins around her,
She laughs, rolls her eyes, and I feel like I'm falling but it's no surprise


"Where are you headin," she inquires after the salutations. I tell her I just finished eating, and she pouts her bottom lip and looks away, toward the cafe. "Looks like everyone just finished.."
"Yup, we're all avoiding you," I say with a smile. She rolls her eyes, grins, and takes a step toward the cafe. "Yeah.. Right.. I'll see you in class."

"I don't want you to go," I tell her when we're halfway home after our final. It's somewhere around 9:30 PM and we're walking together for the last time. She's heading home to Houston in a few days, and from there she is moving to Spain.
"I know that it's selfish, but I don't want you to go. I meant what I told you a few weeks back. You.. You are hands down the most intelligent person that I have met in college. You're kind, and smart, and beautiful and I'm going to miss you. And I understand that you want to do this, and you've been planning it since before we even met, but I don't want you to go."

I turned to her and she looked down. "I'm going to miss you, Britney, but I understand why you have to go. It's your passion-- you're following your dream. I wish I could do the same.

"What is your dream? Your passion??

I confess that my dream is to be a writer, not necessarily a lawyer. She tells me I should follow that aspiration-- but that's another entry for another night.We soon realize that we're home and stop walking.

She gives me that look again and I place one arm across the arch of her back, and the other right above it.. And hold her. She wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me back. A year must have gone by while she was in my arms because I can remember the moment so vividly yet it feels as though it happened long ago. I take a step back, say goodbye, and turn to walk away.
Recommended by 5 Members
of_your_mind Dilated Zanzibar LittleBrit mynameisanh
25 Comments.


Why does everything have to be so emotionally loaded lately?
Especially things beyond our control...

There's something in the air. That's gotta be it.
» of_your_mind on 2007-05-08 09:22:01

yaaaaaaay you!

Classes in the summer suck soooo much ass.


But you get to graduate faster!
» Chloefoxx on 2007-05-08 09:34:19

boy.
» of_your_mind on 2007-05-08 09:44:25

Awwwww... no way my silly Afrikaaner sign could take anything away from this entry, my dear Dilated. But she's coming back eventually, right? Or is she moving to Spain forever? Doesn't she know that it rains in Spain (and it falls mainly on the plain???) Ah, Geology. What a class, eh?

I like your layout, by the way.
» Zanzibar on 2007-05-08 10:38:26

The tough decisions we have to make. It's not the end of the world. I'm sure you'll see her again.
» Southern on 2007-05-08 10:42:12

I'm trying to be like TheZebra, cause I heard she's popular. Plus I like driving up my comment-count.
FOREVER!!! WHAT?!?!?! Ridiculous.

She's probably a lot like me, since you make up her other Texan half as well. Is that three halves? And everyone knows that half a Texan is way bigger than half of anything else. So one half might make a hole the size of Texas in your heart, compadre. I was going to say something about halves and halve-nots, but I think you've suffered enough.
» Zanzibar on 2007-05-08 11:25:52

Like your new layout. You'll see her again.. just not very soon.
» Nuttz on 2007-05-09 01:52:38

maybe you could take some time and go to spain with her. And I like your new layout
» LostSoul13 on 2007-05-09 02:10:37

You have a beautiful writing style Dil...
.... Funny, I want to be a writer too.

Re comment: not much happened. He apologised for what he said and I have to learn to get over it I suppose. *Shrug*
» LittleBrit on 2007-05-09 04:20:55

we broke up
cuz he said i dont talk to him.. funny thing is the two quotes that come to mind kinda describe it: "you are what u say" and "takes one to know one".. :I
» heart-energy on 2007-05-09 01:26:05

dilated, the ending was so ... heart wrenching. ;0
» frostbitten on 2007-05-09 05:42:09

psh, i made pepperoni out of mine
agreed on the whole gauge thing. I fact - most won't want to hear it and if that's the case then why try right?

and yep. That's my point. Talking to strangers. It's weird....but it might be just what's called for.
:)
» Helena on 2007-05-09 08:27:54

++I like your weblog background ^__^
» Mockiller on 2007-05-10 12:42:43

This entry kills me, it's incredibly sad. But you are a really good writer, you should take Britney's advice and go for that.
» Le_Jes on 2007-05-10 07:37:50

ah geez.
that makes me sad. :[


re your comment: do you live in austin? ive actually never been, but ive wanted to go there for quite a while now.
» bananaface on 2007-05-10 09:57:16

I like the layout a lot!
You are making your way to becoming a snazzy layout designer! lol
great job! =)
» invisible on 2007-05-12 02:52:35

Saying goodbye to people you love = POOP.
» Sarah on 2007-05-14 12:07:33

It's simple but the background suits your writings somehow. Love it! =D
» razzly on 2007-05-17 04:28:22

School started last Thursday, I have my first exam tomorrow.

And special lady doctor meant gynecologist. I just didn't want to skeeze anyone out.
» Chloefoxx on 2007-05-22 11:24:05

my boss told me that he was going to cut my pay because I didn't want to work on my day off. I've never said no before, but the one time I do, I'm told that I'm not worth what I make. there's a couple other things going on, but that's the thing that pushed me over the edge
» LostSoul13 on 2007-05-22 11:24:21

No, no.
The "her" which I was referrencing is the ONE and only her I ever refer to without ever naming.
We don't talk anymore.
At all.

And the girl me and Helena went to visit in New Orleans is like an older sister to me.
» elessar257 on 2007-05-27 10:45:59

Yes, at all.
Who pulled away first is a tricky question.

But basically it was a good relationship that ended almost as bad as one can get.

But, technically I'm the last one to stop talking to her. I couldn't take it anymore.

Oh. And if I were her parents I would have despised me, so I figure they do, despite what she used to say.
» elessar257 on 2007-05-27 11:02:15

Sounds nice.
But I don't want that.

At all.
» elessar257 on 2007-05-27 11:09:15

dude, you should seriously stop updating so much. like people don't even have time to leave a comment before you have like 20 more entries already posted. geez.
but actually... hope you come back to school soon because nutang is dark and lonely without your radiant presence.
» Zanzibar on 2007-05-29 08:20:07

It ?s healthy!
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