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Jon?

Sunday. 8.28.05 9:33 am
If I had one wish
We'd be best friends
Love'd never end
It'd just begin

Honestly, I don't know what it was that I did on thursday that made her feel the way she did. She questioned if I truly looked forward to seeing her every other day more than anything else because I've ' must have other friends ' I want to see.

I had to explain to her that although she dismantled the puzzle of our relationship two years ago by leaving me, it was I who pushed her away when she tried to rebuild what we had. I told her that I felt horrible about the way I treated her, about how cold I was and mean I had been to her, and how I wished I could take it all back because I loved her.

Although the school has more than 4000 people, I felt as though it was just me and her in that crowded hallway. Just two minutes before, when I had football coaches calling out to me, and she had her friends talking to her while we tried to navigate through the flood of people crowding us, I bit my tongue on my feelings. She was quiet then, and with her head being down I couldn't see her face. I stepped infront of the girl so that she could look up at me and told her that it was because I loved her that I didn't want to see her sad, so she smiled. After that, we kept on walking even though we had passed her class. It was really the first time that I felt as though she wanted to keep on going, just keep on being with me.

I told her that the bell was about to ring, and she threw her arms around me. I hugged her back, but not good enough.. I told her that one of these days I was going to hug her as tight as she hugs me so that she can feel how I feel when she does it to me.


I spoke to her once after that, the next day, for thirty seconds. I told her I had something for her, she asked me what, and I told her a smile. For the three weeks we've been in school, I've spent 47 hours, 53 minutes, waiting for that dismissal bell of first period to ring so we could go on our journey. I've been trying not to think of her, to try and focus on other things like my schoolwork, or trying to find work-work.. and although it works most of the times, when I'm bored I can't help but think of what I want not to. I need to find a job, a hobbie, something to fill my time. Something to do other than think of her when I'm not with her. The obvious choice would be to go back to playing football... pounding my head against someones chest when going for a tackle may shake up some memories, but once that helmet comes off and the thinking cap replaces it...

I'll go back to thinking of how I coudl have her feeling like I did on thursday : Wanting to just stay with me. That's how I feel all the time.
26 Comments.


You know what I think about this. Nicely written, as always.
» juiCyy on 2005-08-28 03:10:41

After reading this I somehow don't like her as much... how can she question he who 'only' expresses her existence in every thought and breath...
» CONDESCENDme on 2005-08-28 05:01:42

you wow me with the beauty of your words every time
» erinnicole96 on 2005-08-28 06:27:22

its hard to get your mind off of certain situations.. have you tried reading? It does wonders for me. It has to be a good book though and an hour or two will pass and they neevr entered your head! have a good week =)
» Phoid_hearted on 2005-08-28 11:21:31

*gasps*
awwwwwwwweee...I feel your pain, mate
» KatnicityAnnToTheMax on 2005-08-29 06:33:16

that's some really good writing.. very deep.
» chells420 on 2005-08-29 03:36:55

i dont know who that is,
but i play the drums. we just learned suga, we're going down (fall out boy), the girl next door (blink 182), and scotty doesn't know (lustra).
» zero_jak on 2005-08-29 07:19:00

nope...she's just "climbing a mountain and she's on a ledge." I ran ahead to make sure that the owners of the house weren't there and they were in front so I went to tell her to get off..but it was too late lol. oh well...they gave her a "!@#%$TO($#)(%^" look.

As mentioned before, what you wrote truly is deep. maybe you should continue football if it helps keep your mind off of her
» Ajibalaji89 on 2005-08-29 08:04:42

??
how is the song on my page a trip?? =/
» siimply_xquizit on 2005-08-30 12:20:00

...
well....this one girl is a mutherfuckin hater juss cuz Im a rocker. she used to be one but her mom wooped her ass for being one so thats why she hated all rockers. and my parebts wont leave me the fuck cuz they don't know how hard my life is. My new teachers are stict bitches and needs a life, and my best friend is pissed at me for cutting myself (again.)
» Jinaiah on 2005-08-30 12:58:06

man oh man... such a deep, deep, DEEp Entry you made once again. If you do ignore her and use your time by doing something else won't she get upset because of the lack of attention you won't be giving her n e more like you used too... Sounds like she's playing "Hard To Get" here... Good Luck !
» Such_A_Babeh_Face on 2005-08-30 01:55:31

HaHa.. that's awesome that your teacher has no soul.. i mean, awesome the way you put it.. not cool to have a teach like that.
» BeeJay on 2005-08-30 10:32:35

the deed is done =| kinda.... i put a link to your site saying that everyone should look here five times a day or more.
» Ajibalaji89 on 2005-08-31 03:13:11

hey its okay that you feel the way you do, it must be really hard. Be strong and hang in there. yes making friends isn't my cup of tea. but with school i'll be so busy so i should be okay.
» Rie on 2005-09-01 11:00:32

Hmm.
Trying to not pay attention to something will bring it to your mind faster. It's paradoxical. The best thing to do is just let yourself think on her while you do what you need to, and it'll flow a lot better; at least, that's been my experience. I've been in the same boat as you, and I know how you feel now. Just don't let yourself be blinded by your feelings. :-p Otherwise, you might end up like me and jump out of a 45 MPH car to run head on into a bad situation. Take care of yourself, dude.
» DarkDragonKnight on 2005-09-01 11:25:10

this is where my condolensces lie
» zero_jak on 2005-09-01 08:32:51

haha, see.. i like all the hands on stuff like that. its what its all about. for sure for sure
» nrtnSCorporate on 2005-09-01 08:58:24

Moo said the cow.
» juiCyy on 2005-09-02 01:58:17

thanks for commenting on my site. you're entry was captivating and poetic ^^. Hope you find all your answers. ,;^*(MxBxL)*^;,
» MYxBLACKxLAMENT on 2005-09-03 10:10:08

hey, thanks *[: it`s kinda like a movie I guess but, all I did was take pix & animated it on Adobe ImageReady Yep. Shaneen
» ShaShaBoo on 2005-09-03 11:32:53

Beauty.Films et al.
Firstly.Thanks muchly for your comments.I may do the song of the week thing when I have a spare moment to make something pretty :) You should most definately have a trampoline for your 18th...get a Bouncy Castle too.Awesome fun...as long as the weathers nice! You write beautifully. Your thoughts and emotions strike a cord. I'm sure most can relate, just not express it as beautifully and as well as you. I know I can't. And, can I recommend you some films.Oh thats tricky.Are you non-specific as to what you view? Garden State is a nice film. Napolean Dynamite is funny. Simon Birch is almost heart-wrenching, but it also makes you smile. The Matrix - I've got a thing for Keanu Reeves. Snatch - a little violence, and strong words, but funny and well done i think. I'm not big on scary films, but 28 Days Later is quite good. A tad gross. I'm a little squeamish when it comes to nasty things on the big screen. In reality. I've seen worse so far than the fictional blood and gore in films. Ahh. I will be back soon, for now I must go build some bridges. Take care. x
» Chez (62.255.0.6) on 2005-09-04 11:05:02

thats was great
Thanks for the comment. I ca see you really love her through your very words.
» Matt on 2005-09-05 07:55:48

Tick tock. Sunday's your blogging day.
» juiCyy on 2005-09-10 02:50:42

rord
yes, school does smell. especially mine. its got no air conditioning what-so-ever. keep rording the songs bro
» DeepFriedOcra on 2005-09-12 04:45:33

where have you been lately? i havent seen any updates? your writing is so awesome and so heartfelt that i just cant wait to read more..... its like a romance story that keeps you hanging until the next chapter.
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» Peter (123.125.156.145) on 2010-09-03 08:36:57

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