" It doesn't matter if I don't exactly understand word for word what the guy's singing about. That's not what I listen to in music.. I listen to the soul. " - Moi. I was defending myself to Antonia. She was telling Zoe about how I listen to Sin Bandera, and..y eah. I'd recommend them to anyone. They're songs are amazing, and appeal to me as Saves the Day, F.L.O and 2pac once did.

Once did. Once upon a time, I made Caitlin sad. That time was this past week.. I feel.. or felt, really bad about it. I had called her 'cause.. I missed her? I dunno. She was with Caleb, her boyfriend, and stopped conversating with him just for me. That made me feel special.., but that feeling didn't last long. She told me about this guys he thinks is Jesus that she emt at her rehab meeting, and that she's in love with. I'm not sure it was that I said or did, but before I knew it she told me that she felt as though I didn't care about what she was saying, or about her period. I didn't really defend myself then, so she went on to say that she felt as if she had lost her best friend in me. THatpretty much broke my heart..

It's been a full year since she came and disturbed the tranqulity of my usual world by staring at me with those golden..y ellow.. eyes she's got. A full year since things, atleast in my head, got more complicated in our relationship. I've been brooding, sulking, acting wistful and hopeful and bitter for a full year over those yellow eyes. I kept hoping that she'd come back this summer.. but she didn't. I'm still unclear on why.

I'm clear on few things now days. Like on Michelle. I'm talking to her again now that I've had alot of time apart from her, and mostly everyone else.

I'm clear that I love Caitlin, and that I don't want to make her sad anymore..



I'm also clear that this summer, although not as.. memerable as last years, was probably more effective. I think the best part of this summer happened last week. For two, or three hours I was with Charlie, Twinkie( Real name Bryan ) and about ten other guys I had met previously for the sake of playing basketball. It was fun.. and it had been a real long time since I had fun without a controller in my hand.

I spent countless hours, late at night, a week or two ago talking to Samantha. I'mt rying to buy her that Sin Bandera CD for her birthday. She's throwing a party, so I think I'm gonna' blow off football, or whatever else I gotta' do ( if it doesn't include god, or family ), to go to it. I'm not exactly looking forward to dancing, or the music.. or the people there.. but, I'm looking forward to seeing Samantha again, so that makes it worth it.

I'm looking forward to seeing Ashley aswell. I've been reading her nutang today, and I'm finally able to appreciate her writing style..

Wha?? My nutang is crap-- well less crappy than my Xanga or Livejournal... but still crap. Jon I want to see you too. Maybe we can pull off lunch at Cici's this time, since I'm probably gonna work there. SEE, you missed that too... we need to catch up. ps- what's with logging off AIM so abruptly?
» of_your_mind on 2004-08-01 01:46:53

you're online but not there. i'm listening to bright eyes and feeling like an emo bitch. you hurt my heart (and my head) because i never know what the fuck is going on anymore.. with us. i love you jonathan but things aren't working out so great right now. i want to talk to you but when it seems like you dont care, its damn near impossible for me to allow words to come out of my mouth.
» (152.163.252.103) on 2004-08-01 07:53:44

I really like the song you have on your site. :D good luck. looks like you have some confusing times coming along
» Zanzibar on 2004-08-26 07:43:13

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