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Jon?

100 random facts about me.
Sunday. 8.1.10 9:28 pm
Anh challenged me to do this... about three years ago.

1. I'm a Christian. Sometimes I don't feel like a very good one since I often skip church in order to stay home and destroy things.

2. Chances are that if we have met, I've called you pal. I refer to most people -- my parents, friends, acquaintances, enemies, frienemies, amoeba pelts and trees as "pal." Even strangers get the pal treatment so chances are that when I meet someone new I'll call them pal rather than their name til I remember it.

3. I rarely sit with my back to the door. Shit gets fools blasted yo. Ask Bill Hickok.

4. My favorite color is gray. I s'pose it's because it's not really a color and it signifies something hard to define.

5. I started using Nutang in 2003 after seeing an ad on flooble.

6. I created this account after finding out a teacher who I kinda/sorta respected told me she was reading it and used some of the things I wrote about her and a few people in my journalism class (mostly about how I though they were all fakes)
against me. I had another account, the one I use mostly nowadays, but I forgot the username so I just made a new one: Dilated. After the rap group Dilated Peoples.

7. I love my family and rarely write about them.

8. I also rarely speak about them unless I really trust the person I'm talking to.

9. I've had alcohol once in my life and it was by accident.

10. When I was about 10, my dad was sipping some Guiness and I asked if I could try it. I spat it out because it tasted like fermented asshole.

11. I hated having to wake up early to get to work at my Guvment job when I lived in D.C, but I loved wearing the suit because it made me feel suave and like Will Smith in MIB. The first one where he's cool, not the 2nd one where he's old.

12. I'm a packrat. Not only do I still have this tin container that Caitlin sent me one year with a bunch of snickerdoodle cookies in it, I also still have the box it came in.

13. I'm probably better than you at Street Fighter, Madden and NBA 2K. You're probably better than me at Call of Duty and Uncharted deathmatches. But do not get it twisted: I will destroy you in Dance Dance Revolution Max 2. On easy difficulty.

14. I got bricked when I was around five years old by this kid named Jeremy who lived on my block in the housing projects we used to stay at. I responded by tackling him to the pavement. I straddled him for a few moments, thinking of whether I should pound his face in or bang his head against the concrete or be a humanitarian and just punch him in the stomach. I chose the latter and punched him in the gut til he started coughing up blood and someone pulled me off. The next day I went over to his house and played Super Mario Bros 2. That game sucked.

15. Chances are I'm better than you at biting my nails unless you're LeBron James.

16. I think LeBron James is a bitch for leaving Cleveland for Miami.

17. I'm an exceptionally hard person to get to know.

18. I find getting to know people to be relatively easily.

19. I always read a room when I enter it. I scan for pictures, posters, level of disarray, placement of items and knicknacks, etc.

20. My favorite season is fall. Football, Basketball and baseball are all going on and I'm so full of hope for my teams.

21. I'm a chaotic person in my inside world. My room is in constant disarray, I rarely follow guidelines and typically follow my intuition rather than reason.

22. I don't keep friends -- I keep acquainted, and sometimes not even that.

23. I'm a laid back person.

24. I think guys who wear skinny pants are stupid.

25. I typically see right and wrong in black and white for certain issues.

26. I'm extremely selective with my friends. Discounting the nuclear family, I can count the number of people I actually trust on one hand.

27. I find it easy to pick up on the subtle, nonverbal communication cues of others thanks to my many years of training by one Robert "Bobby" Goren.

28. I've been described as aloof by many an acquaintance.

29. I'm as much of a doer as I am a thinker.

30. I've got a great sense of empathy.

31. I spent three years in college working for and with rape victims.

32. My work with rape victims took me from emergency rooms to school
auditoriums.

33. I had a little brother with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. His mom wouldn't give me their address to come visit one day, about a year anda half into our relationship. He was kind of annoying so it didn't bother me that much at first. Now I regret not pushing to see him more.

34. If I were a 7 footer, I'd become a professional wrestler to challenge for the WWE title.

35. I sometimes miss playing football.

36. I regret not trying out for the basketball team in the 7th grade.

37. I led numerous habitat 4 humanity volunteer drives in college.

38. I led over 300 volunteers to build roughly 10-15 houses throughout my time at
college.

39. I think Chicago Pizza is better than New York Pizza.

40. I think Texas is better than wherever the fuck you're from.

41. I'm an introvert.

42. Some misconstrue my honest interest in people and their psyche as me being an extrovert.

43. I pick my scabs and I'll pick yours too. No charge, pal.

44. I still can't believe I'm going to Harvard Law School.

45. Neither can my parents. There was a time when they were happy if I brought home a D rather than an F.

46. I graduated from HS with a GPA around 2.9, maybe 3.0

47. My college GPA was 3.8 and would've been 3.9 if not for my bitchface Shakespere professor. It was his first class and was a clusterfuck of disappointment for all involved.

48. I want to work in the realm of human trafficking after law school. Most likely prosecution.

49. I'd like to work for the U.S. Attorney one day because they get badass badges that I'll pull out and show everyone like I'm Phoenix Wright.

50. Phoenix Wright and Jack McCoy played a huge role in why I want to be a lawyer.

51. I really want to be a writer and craft short stories.

52. But I'll settle for being able to yell OBJECTION, MOTHERFUCKAH, OBJECTION! in a court rather than at my nintendo DS.

53. Doug Funnie was a big influence on my life

54. I used to pretend I was superman and put a blanket in my shirt and run around and fight invisible bad guys. No one told me Superman couldn't be black til I started hanging out with racist assholes.

55. I wish I were a great singer. Not so I could be famous and have groupies or any shitty reason like that. I just wanna be a good singer.

56. I'm jealous of that muffin man's ability to jump rope. If I ever meet him, I'm going to steal his rope and pretend to be him and start jumping. Chances are I'll trip and die but atleast I'll die with his jumprope so he can't have it anymore since that means it'll be fucking haunted and anyone who touched it would be touching the last of my spirit and therefore get creeped out.

57. Mo, aka Juicyy, is the greatest writer I've ever come across. I remember her old entries, circa 2005/2006, were so beautiful. Like baby unicorn or Rosario Dawson. After her it's Jamaica Kincaid and perhaps Toni Morrison. Then Henry David Thoreau.

58. I want to name my daughter D.W. Not after the Arthur character, but after Dirk Werner Nowitzki.

59. A part of me feels like I've grown up with Zanzi. I've known her since I was a sophomore in high school and it seems like whenever I need advice, I can go to her. She even shielded me from death this one time when I went to visit her in Rhode Island and she had this evil cat that I was allergic to and also liked to eat black people because it's racist or something, or maybe that's all cats, but whatever... anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I fucks with Zanzi. Real talk.

60.I've got a crush on the new snorg teeshirt girl:


Not as much as my beloved Rosario:
and my future wife Zoey Kravitz:


61. I used to love Raphael to red Ninja Turtle til I realized he was an ornery asshole who was always angry for reason. Then I switched my allegiance to Leonardo. I've always liked Michaelangelo as well. Donatello is forgettable unless you're a science nerd.

62. My favorite super hero is Goku. It pissed me off when they had some white guy play him in the movie. Bullshit.

63. I like to refer to my enemies as pussilanimous whippersnappers.

64. I got in trouble at school one day for wearing a shirt with a bunch of geckos in sexual positions

65. A part of me wanted to marry Cyra. Not just because she's a real nice person or because she was really pretty or had a real job and didn't have any kids or drama attached to her or anything like that. It was because she would've fulfilled my lifelong dream of finding a spouse who will play videogames with me and probably beat me from time to time.

66. I still watch anime. I'M NOT ASHAMED (okay maybe a little.)

67. I often look forward to travelling to new places but as soon as I'm up in the air I get extremely homesick and long for Texas. The vastness, the varying vernaculars from Houstonians to Austinites to those of my home in the Metroplex, the big hair and big belt buckles and big personalities and hospitalities and everything. I LOVE YOU TEXAS!

68. While I'd love to retire to either my hometown of Arlington (where my Cowboys and Rangers play) or to downtown Dallas (Where my Mavs reside,) a part of me wants to retire to St. Croix and live out my days in front of the water in a seaside house with a hammock in between some palm trees. Wherever I retire, I'll get a hammock. Maybe four.

69. I loved my job at the State Department. I wouldn't mind working there again one day. For breakfast, the cafeteria often served fresh pancakes-- blueberry and pineapple and buttermilk! And my coworkers were spectacular.. four in particular were very influential. One, the big boss man, who was about two steps below Secretary Clinton on the depth chart, would call me into his office once a week and we'd talk for about an hour about any and everything I wanted. Sometimes I'd bring in some friends to talk with him and other co-workers. Sometimes it was must me and him. Anyway, the guy must've been about 65, 70, and was just a great guy. My two direct supervisors were also amazing people.

70. One day, one of the supervisors and I were walking to the subway and I was asking her all these questions about how she knew she was a grown up -- when she had that epiphany about what she was placed on earth to do. "The thing about life, Jonathan, is that you never had that a-ha moment. It comes to you gradually, little by little, over time and one day you'll just know that you're doing the right thing." I know it sounds simple, but it was profound to me.

71. I've got a stuffed anthropomorphic purple heart that I take with me whenever I go on trips. She's roughly the same size as your standard stuffed bear and is named Ophelia after the character in Hamlet. People respond to her in varying ways.. some laugh, some look at me funny, and some, like Heather, are threatened by her. I went to pick Heather up for a dinner date one evening and Ophelia was sitting in the front seat. Heather picked her up and asked me why I brought her with me. I professed my love for Ophie, so Heather threw her into the backseat and I stopped the car and made her apologize.

72. I manipulate my last.fm profile by listening to some songs over and over and over and over again.

73. I never beat Ocarina of Time.

74. I think I have really bad taste in women.

75.I once wore the same pair of jeans for a full week..

76. I sometimes wish I were a smoker because Don Draper looks so cool on mad men.

77. I own a shot glass. I bought it as a gift for someone else but forgot to give it to
her.

78. I'm not looking forward to going to law school. I wish I could make money from being a donut taster or professional MMA fighter who never loses.

79. I'm pretty distrustful of white folk. I'm typically uneasy around them because I think they're judging me or something. In all honesty, in my circle of people I chill with on the regular, only one of them is white.. and I only started hanging out with him because he was my roommate.

80. I've got a very, VERY small art collection. Mostly photographs. I hope to expand it one day and have a collection of scenic photographs as well as and candid photographs of people I know throughout the supermansion I'll live in with my pet gorilla named Donkey Jon.

81. I hated New York the first few days I was theere. Then it grew on me. Like a cancer.. or a fungus. Ever notice how nothing positive ever grows on people?

82. I always wanted to go on Room Raiders because I think all it would take is for someone to walk into my room and realize how much I reek of awesomeness before they fall in love with me. Movies, music, books, (very, very small) art collection and my secret weapon, Ophelia.

83. I'm currently in the midst of reading three books at once. Things fall a part, Dreams of my Father and Sons and other flammable Objects.

84. Old people freak me out. I hope I look like Mark Cuban when I'm 52. I also hope that I die via assassinationwhile I'm wrestling a bear on my 180th birthday so that I do not see it coming.

85. I can't swim. And no, I don't care to learn.. yet. Maybe when I marry into money.

86. I also do not know how to ride a bike. Back when I visited Boston, I stayed with my pal Sonya and her two roommates: Ivyrose and some guy who didn't have a name as awesome as Ivyrose. Anyway, I told them I don't know how to ride a bike so they promised to teach me. Like many before them, they failed to keep their word.

87. I'm an amazing dancer when it's just me and a mirror. Sometimes when someone else is in the room.

88. I wanna learn how to play the harmonica, the guitar, the piano and the slide whistle.

89. I own seven hats. Three Mavericks, two Cowboys and two Rangers. The first one I bought was a Texas Rangers blue adjustable hat that I wore for about a week straight and got a nice sweat rim around it.

90. I think food in Boston is disgusting.

91. The first fight I remember getting into, aside from the one I wrote about earlier, had me getting my ass kicked by a girl a few years older than me that was talking shit the whole time. I cried.

92. I prefer birthday pie to cake. I prefer pie to just about everything. Apple pie, blueberry pie, pizza pie, apricot pie.. it's all good.

93. Frogs freak me out. As do most aminals. The only ones I like are insects... and dogs.

94. I want to name my first born son after me. Either that or Goku. Maybe both. Yes, even if it's a girl.. Gokuette.

95. I think babies are annoying and smelly and lame. They're not the best conversationalists as well.

96. My dream job is being a supreme court justice so I can get paid for life to have an opinion on something.

97. Another dream of mine is to own the clapper, two dogs -- a great dane named Tiny and a st. charles cavalier named Hadouken, a barkoff controller and a ringpop.

98. I still feel like I'm in my sister's shadow. And I'm bigger than her.

99. I use this blog for randomness. I actually write in my other NuTang account because fewer people in my world know about it.

100. You don't know me.


Challenged to match my feat of 100 random facts: Random, Zanzi, Muffin, Midday and Nuttz, Illicit, bifocals, unicornasaurus, Peanutmelon and my very first Nutang friend, JINIAH!

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The wisdom of our leader
Saturday. 3.27.10 10:13 pm
Dave: i wouldnt worry about the money so much
Dave: there will be a point in your life where 150k will seem inconsequential
hopefully that point in your life is before your death
me: lmao
lol that's the best advice i've ever gotten
Dave: lol, then youve been gettin poor advice





NYU offered me the full scholarship. I'm still thinking I'd rather go to Harvard.





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Searching for Silver and Bluetopaz in China town..
Saturday. 3.27.10 1:23 pm
That is all.

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dear world
Monday. 3.1.10 8:51 pm
i am a dumbass.


i'll explain later.

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Real updates coming soon.. tonight, I hope.
Monday. 2.22.10 11:22 pm
Not here though. On the other blog. For those of you wondering why I changed back to the original account

keep wondering. Or PM me. Or decide it doesn't matter and go back to selling your body.

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Full scholarship at NYU
Wednesday. 2.17.10 3:07 pm
vs no monies at Harvard...

:-\ what do i do nutangians?

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So Harvard called.. again
Monday. 2.1.10 8:16 pm
I'm in.

WE'RE IN, NUTANG!

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Harvard Law School called
Friday. 1.29.10 12:09 pm
and interviewed me a few minutes ago. Felt like going through puberty again with my voice cracking while answering the guy's questions..

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